Had a trip to Reno last weekend, went very well. The flight up was quite the adventure. I was just looking out the window when we suddenly flew into some "baby blue doom clouds" as my friend described it. The turbulence picked up and soon we were being thrown side to side like rag dolls. Now that wasn't really the part that scared me, but the part where we dropped 20 feet did do quite the number on my ego. It didn't really help that when we made the drop, all the women on the plane started screaming and the pilot said nothing. But, five minutes later the pilot comes on the intercom and says, "Attention everyone, I apologize for the inconvenience, but I'm going to have the stewardesses remain seated because we might be hitting some heavy turbulence in the future..." Both me an my friend had the same thought, "HEAVY turbulence?!? What the fuck did we just hit them?!" But despite the confusion and fear, the rest of the flight went moderately smoothly, with the exception being the crooked landing where our wing almost clipped the ground.
Once in Reno, everything went swimmingly. We went to a party, played some beer pong, hung out with good friends, floated a river in cheap intertubes,
Monday, July 16, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
The Void
Every once in a while, I sit awake so long that I decide I might as well do something semi-productive so that I don't feel like my entire night was wasted without anything to show for it.
I guess this qualifies as semi-productive in my book, because this is the only idea I could come up with at this time.
For shits and giggles I changed all the names of people involved in my wonderful story.
Chapter 1: Fifth Grade
Fifth grade was like a dream, I was the perfect student, teacher's pet, my mom worked at the school so I had a personal hidey hole when things weren't going well, and I had friends.... Oh so many friends. Victor was my first "best friend". I had friends before him, but we connected on a whole other level. Even when we pissed each other off, it was a short walk to forgiveness. We formed a "lunch bunch" that ate in my mother's classroom. Everything was great and then I noticed the opposite sex. I instantly developed a huge crush on "Laura". However, Laura only had eyes for one man, Justin Timberlake. Being a shy little kid, I decided that my love for Laura was a lost cause and instead of meeting the challenge head on, I professed my love in private and slowly let the flame burn itself out. Meanwhile, "Erika" lets slip that she LIKE likes me. Word comes around to me and I immediately go into my shell. I mean what does a fifth grader do with a girlfriend? I was completely clueless in the department of the opposite sex and afraid to ask for help. Instead I shut the world out and whenever someone asked me if I LIKE liked her back, I'd respond with a feeble, "I don't know." Needless to say, by the time I worked up the courage to ask her out the ship had sailed and she had moved onto another guy in our class. The rest of the school year went relatively uneventful, thus wrapping up one of the better years of my life.
Chapter 2: Middle School
Middle School was Hell on Earth. Due to zoning issues, all my friends from elementary school went to another middle school, putting me back in square one with friends. Victor and I still continued to hang out, but he lived a good hour away from my house which made our hang outs few and far between. I did manage to meet "Raivo" who went on to become my best friend throughout middle school. Raivo and I had band class together, where we were mercilessly picked on by "Rick". Rick wasn't the only one to pick on us, but he was the one that stood out due to his determination to target us. Raivo and I both played the trumpet and were pretty good at what we did, unfortunately, Rick also played the trumpet and sat a few chairs down from us, making us easy prey. The typical treatment was name calling which resulted in public humiliation. One day, near the end of my sixth grade year Rick must have been feeling particularly viscious and decided he wanted to slap me around, literally. After swallowing what little pride I had left and finishing the class without another hitch, Raivo and I were packing up our stuff when Raivo decides to wrestle my music book from my hands. Our match went without a winner as the book slipped from both our hands and landed right on the feet of Rick, who picked it up and threw it in my face. I had finally had enough, my rage boiled over and I punched Rick in the face. However, as he took my punch and blood poured from his lip, my rage turned to terror and I turned tail and ran. Luckily for me, Rick only gave chase for a little before crying and getting the teacher. Life continued to be terrible after this event as well. Rick's friends tormented me for another year, before getting bored. I always felt isolated in middle school, even with Raivo's company. Raivo wasn't much of a friend though, as he and a few other would gang up on me with ridicules and painful words.
Chapter 3: High School
I guess this qualifies as semi-productive in my book, because this is the only idea I could come up with at this time.
For shits and giggles I changed all the names of people involved in my wonderful story.
Chapter 1: Fifth Grade
Fifth grade was like a dream, I was the perfect student, teacher's pet, my mom worked at the school so I had a personal hidey hole when things weren't going well, and I had friends.... Oh so many friends. Victor was my first "best friend". I had friends before him, but we connected on a whole other level. Even when we pissed each other off, it was a short walk to forgiveness. We formed a "lunch bunch" that ate in my mother's classroom. Everything was great and then I noticed the opposite sex. I instantly developed a huge crush on "Laura". However, Laura only had eyes for one man, Justin Timberlake. Being a shy little kid, I decided that my love for Laura was a lost cause and instead of meeting the challenge head on, I professed my love in private and slowly let the flame burn itself out. Meanwhile, "Erika" lets slip that she LIKE likes me. Word comes around to me and I immediately go into my shell. I mean what does a fifth grader do with a girlfriend? I was completely clueless in the department of the opposite sex and afraid to ask for help. Instead I shut the world out and whenever someone asked me if I LIKE liked her back, I'd respond with a feeble, "I don't know." Needless to say, by the time I worked up the courage to ask her out the ship had sailed and she had moved onto another guy in our class. The rest of the school year went relatively uneventful, thus wrapping up one of the better years of my life.
Chapter 2: Middle School
Middle School was Hell on Earth. Due to zoning issues, all my friends from elementary school went to another middle school, putting me back in square one with friends. Victor and I still continued to hang out, but he lived a good hour away from my house which made our hang outs few and far between. I did manage to meet "Raivo" who went on to become my best friend throughout middle school. Raivo and I had band class together, where we were mercilessly picked on by "Rick". Rick wasn't the only one to pick on us, but he was the one that stood out due to his determination to target us. Raivo and I both played the trumpet and were pretty good at what we did, unfortunately, Rick also played the trumpet and sat a few chairs down from us, making us easy prey. The typical treatment was name calling which resulted in public humiliation. One day, near the end of my sixth grade year Rick must have been feeling particularly viscious and decided he wanted to slap me around, literally. After swallowing what little pride I had left and finishing the class without another hitch, Raivo and I were packing up our stuff when Raivo decides to wrestle my music book from my hands. Our match went without a winner as the book slipped from both our hands and landed right on the feet of Rick, who picked it up and threw it in my face. I had finally had enough, my rage boiled over and I punched Rick in the face. However, as he took my punch and blood poured from his lip, my rage turned to terror and I turned tail and ran. Luckily for me, Rick only gave chase for a little before crying and getting the teacher. Life continued to be terrible after this event as well. Rick's friends tormented me for another year, before getting bored. I always felt isolated in middle school, even with Raivo's company. Raivo wasn't much of a friend though, as he and a few other would gang up on me with ridicules and painful words.
Chapter 3: High School
Monday, April 30, 2012
Just another miserable day.
I just took 10 things for concentration. Guess what....? I can't focus. Well I guess I can focus enough to write this... or play video games. (even though I'm enjoying that less and less by the day.) I Don't know what to do with myself. I want to be productive, but every time I start to do something productive, my mind leaves me and I wander off. It's a miserable feeling. I just want to get done with school and do something that doesn't make me miserable that will support a lifestyle that I want to live. Guess you can't have you cake and eat it too right?
My dreams are getting worse. More realistic. Where they once were just jumbled thoughts and images, now they are scenes of logical pain. I can't ever talk about it with my parents though, and talking about it with the ex doesn't seem to have as great of an effect as I wanted. I want it out of my head, no... that's not true. I just want to be able to function like normal again, but as my dad once asked, "Do you think things will ever go back to normal for us?"
Probably not.
I'm fighting without a shield now.
When I finally do get in the groove of things I hit a hiccup of a day that makes me feel like, "What's the point of being so productive? I work so hard and feel so crappy while being productive and even though the end product makes me happy, I just go back to being miserable again. What's the point of trying?" and then I shut my mind down and do absolutely nothing for a couple of hours until the bugger settles down.
Fuck.
Things will never go back to being the same. That statement hurts the most. The only consolation, The only one, is knowing I might see my brother again one day when I die.
Great, now I'm on the verge of tears in a computer lab.
And this is why I can't share my dreams, why I keep all the pain inside. At least when I do that, I'm the only one it affects.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The Year of New Beginnings?
Good riddance 2011.
I Have to wake up in five and a half hours so I'll keep this short. Here's to a year of wonderful beginnings and needed ends. Lets hope the whole Mayan Calender thing really doesn't predict the end of the world.
Cheers.
Currently Listening to: Your Woman by White Town.
I Have to wake up in five and a half hours so I'll keep this short. Here's to a year of wonderful beginnings and needed ends. Lets hope the whole Mayan Calender thing really doesn't predict the end of the world.
Cheers.
Currently Listening to: Your Woman by White Town.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)